self-compassion Archives

Why Mums Need Positive Self-Talk Every Day

by Beth Lewis | Apr 23, 2025 | Beth Lewis, Self Care

Let’s face it—being a mum is tough. You’re juggling countless responsibilities, constantly making decisions for others, and navigating the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood. In the middle of it all, it’s easy to become your own harshest critic.

You forgot the school excursion note? You’re so disorganised.

Lost your cool after a long day? You’re a bad mum.

Didn’t get to that load of washing? You’re lazy.

Sound familiar?

The inner dialogue we carry can either uplift us or tear us down. That’s where the power of positive self-talk comes in. It’s not about ignoring challenges or pretending everything is perfect—it’s about choosing to speak to yourself with the same compassion you give everyone else.

Here’s why being kinder to yourself as a mum is more than just a feel-good strategy—it’s essential.

1. Your Words Shape Your Reality

The way you speak to yourself impacts how you feel, how you act, and what you believe. Constant negative self-talk leads to guilt, burnout, and low self-esteem. On the other hand, supportive and kind inner dialogue can boost your confidence and resilience.

Try This:

When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” reframe it:

“I’m doing my best, and that’s enough today.”

2. Kids Learn by Watching You

Your children are always observing. When they see you being hard on yourself, they learn to be hard on themselves too. But if they see you showing self-compassion, picking yourself up after mistakes, and speaking with kindness, they’ll learn to do the same.

Try This:

Say things out loud like, “That was tricky, but I’m proud of how I handled it.”

It teaches them that imperfection is human—and kindness is powerful.

3. Perfection Isn’t the Goal—Presence Is

So many mums hold themselves to impossible standards. But your children don’t need a perfect mum. They need a present, emotionally available, and loving one. You can’t show up as your best self if you’re constantly tearing yourself down inside.

Try This:

Swap “I didn’t do enough today” for:

“I showed up with love, and that matters more than ticking every box.”

4. Positive Self-Talk Builds Emotional Strength

Motherhood tests you in every way—physically, mentally, emotionally. A supportive inner voice helps you bounce back from tough moments, learn from mistakes, and keep going with grace.

Try This:

Create a few go-to affirmations for when life feels heavy:

“I am learning and growing every day.”
“It’s okay to ask for help.”
“I am doing enough. I am enough.”

5. Being Kind to Yourself Reduces Mum Guilt

Mum guilt is a universal experience, but it doesn’t have to control your life. Positive self-talk is a powerful tool to challenge guilt and replace it with understanding.

Try This:

When guilt creeps in, ask: “Would I say this to my best friend?”

If not, don’t say it to yourself either.

6. Self-Compassion is Self-Care

Kind self-talk is a daily act of self-care. It reminds you that your worth isn’t tied to productivity, perfection, or how smoothly the day goes. It centres your humanity and helps you meet yourself with grace.

Try This:

At the end of each day, say one kind thing to yourself.

It could be as simple as: “Today was hard, and I made it through.”

You Deserve Your Own Kindness

Motherhood is full of lessons – and one of the most important is learning to treat yourself the way you treat your children: with empathy, patience, and love.

You are not your mistakes.

You are not your to-do list.

You are not alone.

You are a human being, doing your best, and you deserve to be spoken to with kindness – especially by the voice you hear the most: your own.

So next time your inner critic pipes up, pause and ask yourself:

“What would love say?”

Because, Mumma, you’re doing better than you think. 💛

IMPORTANT NOTE:

If you truly struggle to reframe your negative self-talk to something more positive, please reach out for support. The key to shifting this is to heal your inner-critic, which is generally connected to your inner-child – who’s in desperate need of love and compassion.

This can be an unconscious pattern that was learned when you were young, and we can create new neural pathways and belief systems to help you feel more connected to yourself, and worthy of love and support.

Book a free Support Session here to find out how.

How to Let Go of the Pressure to Be a ‘Perfect Mum’

by Beth Lewis | Mar 12, 2025 | Beth Lewis, Self Care

Parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences, but let’s be real—it’s also one of the most testing. Whether it’s tantrums, endless “why” questions, fighting siblings, or refusing to listen, there are moments when our patience is stretched thin.

You love your kids, but that doesn’t mean you won’t feel frustrated or overwhelmed. The key isn’t to never lose patience (because let’s face it, we’re human), but rather to find ways to stay calm and respond, instead of react.

If you’re feeling like you’re one meltdown away from a meltdown yourself, here are some practical ways to keep your cool and stay patient, even when your kids are pushing your limits.

1. Take a Deep Breath (or Five!)

It sounds simple, but in the heat of the moment, taking a deep breath before reacting can make a world of difference. When we’re frustrated, our body goes into stress mode, and our brain defaults to quick, emotional reactions. Taking a breath gives you a pause—a chance to choose patience over frustration.

Try This:

Before reacting, take 5 slow, deep breaths (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 2, exhale for 6).
Imagine yourself breathing in calm and exhaling frustration.
Walk away for a moment if needed. It’s okay to take a pause.

Patience isn’t about never feeling frustrated—it’s about learning how to manage those feelings before they take over.

2. Reframe the Situation: It’s Not Personal

When your child is having a meltdown or repeatedly ignoring instructions, it can feel like they’re intentionally testing your limits. But in most cases, they’re not trying to drive you crazy—they’re just being kids.

Try This:

Instead of thinking, Why are they doing this to me?! try asking, What’s really going on here?
Remind yourself: Your child isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time.
Stay curious—could they be tired, hungry, overstimulated, or needing connection?

Shifting your mindset from “They’re being difficult” to “They’re struggling” helps you respond with understanding instead of frustration.

3. Lower Your Expectations (for Them & Yourself!)

Let’s be honest—sometimes our frustration comes from expecting too much from our kids. We want them to listen the first time, behave perfectly in public, and never argue. But they’re learning, growing, and testing boundaries—it’s part of childhood.

Try This:

Remind yourself of their age and stage—a toddler isn’t going to sit still for long, and a 6-year-old will struggle with emotional regulation.
Adjust your own expectations—you’re not supposed to be a perfect parent. You’re learning too!
Celebrate the small wins instead of focusing on what’s not going right.

Sometimes, just adjusting your expectations can relieve frustration before it even begins.

4. Create a “Patience Plan” for Difficult Moments

Instead of waiting until you’re already frustrated, create a simple plan for how you’ll handle challenging moments in advance.

Try This:

When your patience is running low, use a mantra like “I am calm. I am present. I’m okay.”
Have a go-to strategy—whether it’s stepping outside, counting to 10, or taking a sip of water.
If needed, remove yourself from the situation for a moment to regain composure.

Preparing ahead of time makes it easier to stay patient when emotions are high.

5. Use Humour to Diffuse Tension

Sometimes, the best way to reset a tense moment is to find the humour in it. Kids have a way of doing the most ridiculous things at the most inconvenient times. Instead of letting frustration build, lean into the chaos and laugh when you can.

Try This:

If your child is throwing a fit over something minor, try making a silly face or using a goofy voice.
Turn a frustrating situation into a game (e.g., racing to clean up toys instead of nagging).
Remind yourself: One day, you’ll probably laugh about this moment!

Not everything needs to be serious. A little humour can go a long way in keeping your patience intact.

6. Take Care of Yourself (Because Burnout = No Patience)

It’s so much harder to stay patient when you’re running on empty. If you’re constantly exhausted, overstimulated, and overwhelmed, even minor frustrations can feel impossible to handle.

Try This:

Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, food, and breaks.
Schedule 5-10 minutes of self-care daily (even if it’s just a quiet cup of tea).
Ask for help when you need it—you don’t have to do it all alone.

A well-rested, emotionally balanced mum is naturally more patient. Prioritise yourself too!

7. Repair & Apologise When You Lose Patience

Let’s be real—we all lose our patience sometimes. But what matters is how we handle it afterward.

Try This:

If you snap at your child, take a moment to calm down and apologise.
Say something like, “I got frustrated, and I’m sorry for yelling. I love you, and I’ll try to handle my emotions better next time.”
Teach your child that it’s okay to make mistakes—and how to repair them.

Apologising shows your kids that even parents have big feelings—and that love is always stronger than frustration.

Patience is a Practice, Not Perfection

Staying patient when your kids are pushing your limits isn’t always easy, but it is possible. The goal isn’t to never feel frustrated—it’s to learn how to manage those feelings before they turn into reactions you regret.

So next time you feel your patience slipping, pause, take a breath, and remind yourself: